Thoughts on Having Kids and Drooling Chocolate

A part of me hesitated to write this next blog entry primarily because I like to think I’m cool and collected all the time, that I never have issues and that I am not, indeed, a member of the Imperfect Human Club. You know, like I’ve NEVER clumsily tripped in front of a school crush (running in P.E., sixth grade, Hello, ground!), NEVER accidentally drool food on myself while eating in public (Snickers chocolate bar, just this morning, here at the office and I KNOW someone saw), and NEVER threw up on a plane in front of EVERYONE (5 years old, first trip overseas, all over stewardess uniform. I hiccupped-cried and everything because I was the kid that made the plane stink for 16 hours.)

Because you see, as much as I like to think I’ve got it all together the truth of the matter is is that I don’t and never, ever will have it all together, no matter how many layers of cool-kid masks I try on. And those imperfections are also very much a part of my heartprint, the stuff that makes me who I am. And since I’ve based Heartbox Photography on the philosophy that everyone has a unique heartprint that is wonderful and beautiful, and yes, even flawed, I figured…heck. I will write this next post and hope it encourages you to celebrate your own heartprint and the stuff and life experiences that make you unique and cool. Even if you drool chocolate on yourself in public, like me. (ohhhh, that Snicker bar was so good)

My husband and I don’t have any children…yet. One day we will, and it will be wonderful. But when you’re someone like me who struggles with the feelings of trying to be like everyone else, measure up, don’t be a nerd and hiccup cry in front of people when you’re hurt, etc., it can be something hard to accept and not wig out about. A few good friends of mine are currently expecting babies and while it’s a wonderful and miraculous thing, a part of me is having a bit of a hard time lowering the volume on that voice in my head that says “Well???? How about you?”.

It’s enough to make me stop munching away at my Snickers bar and start doubting. Doubting all the wonderful blessings I already have - the wonderful marriage I come home to, the love and support of friends and family, this dream to become a full-time photographer, and just LIFE. I even start doubting God’s promise that He’s got a wonderful plan for me, even after I’ve seen His loving hand many, many times through life difficulties. That His timing is perfect and that no, it's not wrong to dream big of other things before having kids.

Why do I share this? Because little by little as I become  more and more secure with sharing insecurities like this, with telling the world that yes, I am a card-carrying member of the Imperfect Human Club, it opens the doors for God to replace it with a level of real-ness and comfort that will allow me to share with others my own imperfect, but kinda-cool-in-it's-own-way heartprint....and maybe even help them be ok with sharing theirs.

And really, if you drool chocolate in public like I do, don't worry about it...that's what napkins are for.