I sat on the bench under the trees, hoping the sunshine's happy glow would just burn away the feelings of angst that threatened to escape my soul in the form of frustrated tears.
No one likes to feel stuck. No one. Including me. Not spiritually, not mentally, not emotionally. I fight extremely hard when feeling stuck in any of these ares of my life try to edge and sneak it's way into my happy world. But in one moment, while siting on a bench among the trees of where I hold a day job and with the sun trying to envelope me in a warm hug, all I could do was close my eyes briefly and wish for my current reality to be something different.
I knew it was not going to be easy taking active strides to grow my photography business. I read all the stories, heard all the advice. And yet in the frustrating moment that I'm sure every entrepreneur has faced, all I could feel was flat-out unprepared for the challenge.
In the past few months, I had just made the decision on where to focus my photography. I made this decision with high hopes and excitement and of course, immediately started drafting up the steps needed to move and grow in that particular direction. I think I did this with a bit of the expectation that I'd fly through the "steps" with the quickness of a cheetah and get to my destination, like, um, TODAY.
And yet, as I sat on that bench under the trees and the sun, I felt like God was reminding me that just because the steps are slow, it doesn't mean "stuck", even if it feels like it. In a few whispers, I pretty much prayer-dumped everythingn that weighed my heart, mind, and soul to God right there while sitting on the bench. And as crazy as it sounds, I challenged Him in my frustration to give me some sign that I was moving in the right direction with all that I was doing in my photography thus far. I challenged Him to just show me something, ANYTHING to reassure me of His presence. That He even cared about all the stuff that I was upset about.
And did a rainbow appear when I opened my eyes? No. Did a huge box of chocolate appear at my side? Uh, yeah don't I wish! Rather, I opened my eyes and was still on that same bench, with the same sunshine still happily glowing on the same trees as it was when I first sat down. I sighed and it was at that moment I looked down at my cell phone to check the time. Expecting to see the time, my phone instead showed a text message from someone tied into some of the key decisions I was making in my photography business, a message that I was waiting for all week.
Needless to say, I half chuckled and half cried in relief because once again, as He has done so many times in my life, He patiently reassured me that yes, He hears me even when I feel stuck, angry, hurt, and frustrated. That yes, He is there. That yes, the steps are slow, but they are not impossible so long as I depend on Him.