I may as well be honest and say that I dread having kids. I’m female so I think I should have some degree of fear every time I think about having kids.

First off, I don’t have a high tolerance for pain. When my sister gave birth to my beautiful niece, she did it with no anesthesia. But that’s my sister and not me. My sister is by far, half man, and has the strength of 10 horses. I don’t even think I have the strength of a pony.

I know that raising kids is full of grief and and at the same time, full of unexplainable joy. I think my mind is still encapsulated on the grief part.

The other day, I spent time with my niece, Nevaeh. She’s six and doing well in school, smart as a whip, and beautiful to boot. Shining personality and I don’t say this because she’s my only niece. (Well, maybe a teeny bit)

My weekend started just the right way with a game of Scrabble with this 6 year old wonder. She’s doing great in the subjects of spelling and reading, but math was going to need a bit off work. Little did I know that Scrabble may just very well be a good practice for both subjects.

Before we immersed ourselves in a game of “Scramble” as she put it, we decided to poke through her toy bin to discover some new toys to play with. I tried to choose a cute puppy, but she kept adamantly insisting that the dog was disobedient and would not listen to me. (I know that this was just her attempt to get me to pick this ugly looking cat instead....and I hate cats)

After much debating, she gives one final attempt to steer me away from the idea of playing with this doggy toy and tells me that the dog had a dirty spot on it. And as I ask her what this diry spot was on this toy she lays down the truth about this poor pup's skin condition.

It's leprosy.

Leprosy. This kid is beyond hilarious and too much for me.

“Scramble” was fun. I watched as she formulated words and put forth efforts into adding the points, doubling and tripling them as each covered square indicated. Every time I get to spend some real time with Nevaeh (time in which my smiling face is, for once, not covering up the 100 mile- a -minute thoughts of what I need to do after I leave), I always feel as if the day was well spent when I rest my head at night. Almost like the one thing important thing to get done today got done.

My mind was actually focused on her and I found myself observing every feature on her face, the long and skinny toes that were proudly a part of the cutest feet that were growing way, way too fast, to the concentrated and thoughtful expressions of her face that communicated to me how even her brain and the thoughts it formulated were growing up and discovering the world.

She’s not my kid and yet she makes me hope that one day, my kids will be just as enthralling as her.